Mixed feelings

Even though a baby will be no less than a blessing, I have mixed feelings. We're having trouble with finances since Ben hasn't been able to find a job. I've been saving as much as I could spare from my paychecks since February, anticipating this scenario, but it is becoming clear it wasn't enough. I know they say that you can't wait until the "right" time to have a baby, because it will never be the "right" time, but this just seems like the wrong time.

Hopefully Ben can find a job soon, either in his field (ideally) or in something unrelated (realistically, at least for the time being) and maybe that will create a better situation to potentially bring another person into. I feel like it is selfish to want a baby now when I'm worried about how we'll support the two of us. But, I also don't want to dismiss all the effort we've put into the last year of trying. We're looking at budget options and have already made changes that will ease things a little. We make too much just on my salary to be eligible for government assistance, even if I had a baby in my arms right this second (not that I would want to, but I'm not too proud to do it if it meant being able to feed and clothe my child). We just have to keep trying to do the best we can with what we've got until things change.

Life is never easy, is it?