Sex of the baby poll

Is Baby Mumfy a boy or a girl?

Boy

Girl

create a poll

Dear baby... (4)

Dear baby,

I have been shamefully putting off writing to you since I found out you were on your way. I was scared that if I wrote you directly, that it would somehow jinx everything and you wouldn't be real anymore. Heck, even the pregnancy journal I was so anxious to start keeping didn't even have writing in it until after the first trimester. I wrote everything on index cards each week and then transferred it all over. I guess I still have some jadedness to overcome.

Enough about me. You are here and you are a little being growing in my belly! We have dubbed you "Baby Mumfy." You can thank my friend Nicole for that one. :) We have the 16 week appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping we'll be able to schedule the 20 week ultrasound then. I'm also hoping your dad will be able to hear your heartbeat for the first time. I can't wait to share that with him! It will probably be at the 20 week ultrasound when we find out whether you are a boy or a girl. Ideally, we'll find out right before Thanksgiving and can share the news with family at the celebrations.

The last time we had an ultrasound, you were just a little blip on the screen. It will be neat to see your little body and watch you move around. I think I've been feeling you a little recently, but it's hard to say for sure. I look forward to being sure that I feel you as you dance around. Just be nice to your neighbors: my bladder and stomach and spleen. :)

So, Baby Mumfy, welcome to my tummy, your residence for the next 5 months or so. I will do my best to give you a good home as you grow and develop there and in exchange I'd like you to be my adorable little baby when your lease is up. I think you can handle that!

Top 5 of the First Trimester

It's hard to describe what the first trimester was like for me, so I'm going to try to sum it up in 5 adjectives, in no particular order (you can probably figure out what the order is, lol).

1. Exhausting
Physically exhausting? YES! Mentally exhausting? YES! I was tired all the time and was regularly going to bed around 9-10p. That may not seem that bad, but I was used to going to bed around 11p-12a. Even on days when I wanted to stay up later, my body was functional and upright (mostly), but I was a zombie. It was not pretty. Also, for the majority of the first trimester, we were keeping it under wraps. It was extremely hard and mentally draining to go about my day around people who didn't know as if things were just fine. I did give some indication that I wasn't operating at 100%, but I couldn't go into detail or really explain just how <100% I was. Pretending to be at around 85-90% when you're really at 60-65% is so incredibly exhausting. When we finally made it public, my exhaustion level actually got better because I didn't have to pretend anymore. How crazy is that?

2. Surreal
I've said it before here on the blog that it was really tough convincing myself I was actually pregnant for a long time. I don't know how to adequately describe it. It just didn't seem like it was really happening to me. Even now, I still have surreal moments, like being pregnant is something that happens to other people and I just see it, I'm not really experiencing it. It's hard to apply what I've seen from others to myself. I'm hoping as I start to show more and feel the baby move that it will solidify to me.

3. Uncomfortable
Oh, man was it uncomfortable! I was nauseous almost constantly unless I snacked every hour or two. Sometimes I just wished I could get sick and feel better. Beyond that, at about week 11 I felt like I was being stabbed in my left side. Well, to be fair, it started out feeling twingy like I slept in a bad position, then the next day like I had run too far and too long and I had a stitch in my side, then the third day is when it was stabby-stabby. I called the doctor and they said it was the round ligaments stretching. Stuff was getting bigger, yo! Luckily it was just that one day and then it went back to the stitch, and then to the twingy. The icing on the cake was the last week of the first trimester I got hit with one of the worst colds I can remember. I was literally knocked on my back. I couldn't take anything for it (though we ended up contacting the doctor and he suggested Sudafed, which really didn't help a whole lot, really), I was getting sick from the sinus drainage and coughing every other breath. I still have a stuffy nose almost a month later, and I'm still at times getting sick from the drainage.

4. Overwhelming
There are so many things to think about and be aware of and plan for. Ben is still struggling to find a job. We've had to get creative in our finances, both in terms of cutting things down/out of our budget, but also in figuring out how to keep our bills paid when the savings has been drained. We have been fortunate in that there have been options available to us, but it continues to be something that overwhelms us daily. We have a plan for the nursery and such, but we're in a holding pattern until we can get other things straightened out. I had a minor freak out the other day about needing to sign up for birthing classes...until I realized that I probably had several months before that needed to be something on my mind. There have been numerous conversations, from genetic testing to natural birth vs. epidural to godparents to whether we'll circumcise if it's a boy. And I know we've barely scratched the surface.

5. Exciting
It was crazy how fast it went, honestly. The first few weeks went by so slowly, but being here at 15 weeks now and knowing that ten weeks ago was when we found out...it does not seem like it has been that long. Each new experience, each trial and tribulation, each milestone we reach has been incredibly exciting. I feel blessed to be journeying through motherhood and sharing the journey with Ben.

Surreal...

Third of several posts that remained hidden until the pregnancy was announced. This was written three weeks after the pregnancy was confirmed.

I feel it's important to share this, because I got so much comfort reading other people's experiences with the same thing.

I don't feel pregnant. It is incredibly surreal. I'm having pretty minor symptoms--I'm tired all the time; my chest hurts only slightly (and only in the last couple of days); when I'm hungry, I'm starving, and when I'm starving, I'm nauseous and when I'm not starving/nauseous, I have indigestion. That's pretty much it. I'm not throwing up or peeing all the time and even though I'm three weeks past the positive pregnancy test and eight weeks along tomorrow, I would not have expected my next cycle for another couple of days. I just feel like all the things I'm feeling and the symptoms I'm having aren't enough to say "Yup, I'm pregnant!"

I kept the appointment we had made to discuss fertility options because I was terrified it wasn't real. Even though they confirmed with a test at that appointment--in addition to a second test I took the day after the first one just in case it was a false positive--and I've had an ultrasound since then, it still feels like I'm pretending that I'm pregnant. I'm avoiding the foods and stuff I'm supposed to (sometimes I forget, like two days after the positive test and the day before I had the appointment when I took a motion sickness pill before a car trip and had a freakout moment; sometimes I don't realize I'm supposed to avoid it, like feta cheese), but again it just feels like I'm pretending.

I really thought the ultrasound would help, but even though they put the word "baby" next to the dollop of abstractness I saw on the screen that blinked like Tinkerbell, it still didn't seem real. I carry the printout around with me and look at it every once in a while to remind myself that I do have something growing inside me. Sometimes it helps. Because it still feels surreal, I'm having trouble connecting to the baby. I feel protective of it and I can't wait to go through the next 32 weeks and beyond, but it's so hard to bond with a baby I am having trouble believing exists.

I've talked with other people I know who have been recently pregnant, as well as looking to the internet for strangers who shared their similar experiences, and it has been a relief to know other people have felt this way. So, I wanted to add my voice to the chorus of friends and strangers that someone else may be turning to. You're not alone and you're not crazy.

Spreading the news

Second of several posts that remained hidden until the pregnancy was announced. This was written three weeks after it was confirmed that I was pregnant.

When you know you're pregnant and no one else does, it is excruciating. I found out three weeks ago and these three weeks have dragged beyond belief. We decided to wait to tell people for two reasons: first, my siblings' weddings are at the beginning of September and we didn't want to steal their rightly-earned thunder; second, the end of September marks the end of my first trimester, and we wanted to wait until the chance of miscarriage was lesser.

That's not to say that we didn't tell a few people. Well, few is not entirely accurate. Like I said, it's excruciating. We told our immediate families, of course. That we did right away. We also told close friends. The problem is we kept thinking of more close friends to tell. So, now while those who DO know don't outnumber those who don't know, there's still more than just a few. My hairdresser also knows, as does the cashier at my dad's favorite restaurant (she noticed me having indigestion and asked if the food was ok. I wanted to make sure she didn't think they had given me food poisoning, so I explained why). It is easier to tell strangers, honestly. Strangers you won't see again and the two reasons above to keep it quiet aren't an issue. It's a good happy medium between not telling anyone and telling the whole world.

Then there are the instances where you are stunned. My sister, her fiance and I were waiting for a flea market to open and a lady standing there with us asked me if we were going to be looking at baby items. After the split second it took me to have 9,000 questions run through my head (am I showing that much? does she have some pregnancy-radar? did my sister say something? is it a coincidence? does she think I'm someone else?), I just said "Not today..." I was at a center yesterday when the staff I was working with insisted on getting me a chair...because I was pregnant. She said that to me. Again, with the 9,000 questions. This time I didn't have as cogent of a response. I said "Um, what?" She explained that someone had told her the person who'd be working with her was pregnant. I asked who had told her that. She said her director. I clarified that she was probably thinking of a coworker of mine who had just given birth. But, I remember how badly people felt when they incorrectly assumed my extra tummy weight was a pregnancy (and sometimes I didn't have pity on them), so I shared that I was, in fact, pregnant but that it wasn't common knowledge and I was trying to figure out how she had known. I made sure to explain our reasons for not telling everyone and asked her and her director to keep my secret.

I wish I could tell people. Every time we decide to share it with someone else, I feel an incredible amount of joy. Sometimes we just come out and say it. Other times we do funny/cute things. For one friend, I tried to video tape her reaction to a picture of the positive pregnancy test. Her hand was over my phone's camera the whole time. At least you could hear her! Another friend asked how my (presumed infertility) doctor's appointment had gone. I walked him through the blood tests and the 2 urine tests in 40 minutes and then said that when the test results came back we'd know how far along I am. It took him a second, but he processed it and figured it out. For a friend of Ben's, we had planned on going to his wife's birthday party, but with our finances tight it wasn't going to work. We called to let them know and apologize and decided to share the news with them. When Ben had called, he asked to talk to both he and his wife. He explained that we were sorry we couldn't make it, but with money being tight and Janine being pregnant, we couldn't justify the trip. It was another second before it registered with them and I could hear the happy shouts through the phone.

I try to be respectful of those who I know have had difficulty like I did (some even more so). I know how I felt when I would find out people were pregnant, and I don't like being the person who may bring that feeling to them. If you're one of those people, I truly apologize for the pain and jealousy and resentment you feel. I wish there was something I could do for you, or some fool-proof advice I can give. All I can do is continue to try to be respectful of your feelings--acknowledge their validity, keep the pregnancy and baby-related talk to a minimum and always be willing to listen if you want to talk. Know that I will endeavor to do all those things, because I know what it's like and being pregnant now doesn't mean I'm no longer empathetic.

What I did today...

First of several posts that remained hidden until the pregnancy was announced. This was written the day I took the first positive pregnancy test on August 4th, 2013.

This morning I was stressed about Ben not having a job. We had an argument, but it didn't last long. I told him I was scared, and he said he felt the same, but that we would figure it out together.

I looked for jobs for him. There were a couple prospects, but mostly I researched substitute teaching jobs for him so that we'll have something at least to pay the bills for a while. I hope something pans out.

I ordered Wing Zone for lunch. I like Wing Zone, but Ben's not crazy about it. He got BW3 instead. He always gets the parmesan garlic wings that gives him the most horrible breath!

I worked on my beading a little. I was going to start on wine glass charms, but I realized the wire I had was too thin, so I'll need to pick up some heavier gauge wire. So, I started on ornaments instead. They're coming out nicely, I think. I don't know if they'll sell very well, but it's worth a shot.

Then, Ben helped me paint some leggings for a GenCon costume. It didn't turn out the way I'd like them to, but I think it will be ok.

I asked Ben to cook dinner and he was fine with that. We tried a new sauce with a packet of red beans and rice that we like. I thought the sauce was ok, but not as good as the sauce we usually have with it. I was very appreciative that he cooked, though! I told him one of the best smells in the world was food that someone else cooks. :) I also had the last of the leftovers from when I made my mom's soup earlier this week when Ben was taking the Bar.

I searched for pictures of hairstyles for a haircut I'll be getting soon for my costume (just a little trim. I told Ben I wouldn't cut it drastically until after my siblings' weddings), as well as pictures of hairstyles to get an idea for how my sister wants her hair done for her wedding. I sent my sister a picture that I wanted her opinion on, and we talked back and forth about it and other options.

I watched the newest episode of Drop Dead Diva and Devious Maids and a friend and I texted each other about what took place in DDD. We're both disappointed that Jane and Owen don't seem to be getting back together.

I had bought a basal thermometer and two pregnancy tests from the pharmacy the other day. With our doctor's appointment coming up, I had a feeling they'll want me to start tracking my temperature. Plus, I wanted the tests ahead of time so that when I need them, they'll be here. I had a wonky period this past month and I've been kind of crampy for a couple of weeks. I knew these might be indicators of pregnancy, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Just to make sure, I took the pregnancy test without telling Ben.

And it was POSITIVE!! I was brushing my hair waiting for it to come through and I happened to look down and see that it said "Pregnant." (I always get the digital ones. I know they're more expensive, but I'd rather have a definitive answer than something I have to interpret.) It took me a second to register that there wasn't a "Not" in front of the "Pregnant." I started shaking and ran (literally ran) outside to the car where I had left a picture frame that said "Dad" on it. I bought it the month I was late and I've kept it in my car so Ben wouldn't see it.

I ran back inside and knocked on Ben's office door. I asked what he was doing, and he said "Why?" I said "What are you doing? Tell me what you're doing." I'm sure it reminded him of the Coca Cola incident when we were first dating, but he humored me and said that he was watching a show. I asked him if he could pause it for a couple of minutes so I could give him something. I handed him the picture frame. He looked at it for a few seconds, then looked at me and said "Are you pregnant??" I started crying and nodded, then went back into the bathroom to get the test and show him. I was still crying as he looked at the test, but I was able to say "Take a picture!!" and we both got our phones and took several pictures of the positive pregnancy test.

The next thing he said was "I need to get a job!" and I couldn't agree more. We are both so happy. We're going to keep the appointment this week with the doctor, and maybe he can take a blood test to confirm. This post will probably be posted several days, weeks or months from now, but I wanted to make sure it was all written down before I forgot about the day I found out I was pregnant. :)