What women want

Have you seen the movie "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson? Well, there is a character that is played by Judy Greer. Because Mel's character can hear what women think (that's not a spoiler, right? Lol), he has unique insight to what she is thinking, when to the rest of the office she's just the quiet file clerk. At one point, Mel's character tells Judy's character that she seems sad, and she responds "You could sense that?" It's a very minor part of the story, but one that I identified with today.

At least twice that I can remember specifically lately, possibly more because I've noticed a pattern now, people (both those who interact with me regularly and those who don't) have asked if I'm ok and mentioned that I seemed sad. Now, granted the one today was when I was trying to count handouts for a training, so I don't really know what her expectation for how I was supposed to look like was. But still the question was asked. I had the same reaction in my head that Judy's character had: "Can they really sense it?" I wondered if, to these people who are remarking on how I look sad, my genuine sadness over the struggle with conception is coming through. And if they are the people who are remarking on it, how many more people think it without saying anything? Is my sadness bleeding over into my everyday life and not just when I'm actively concerned with it?

I like to think that I've been pretty strong and have kept my frustrations and sadness from being public fairly well, unless I choose to share them publicly. It worries me that I may not be doing as good of a job at it as I think I am, and don't know if it's something that needs further attention. I do know that it's on my radar now and I can be more intentional about reflecting on/deciding whether I need to devote attention to it. Until then, I'll try not to look sad, because I really do have a ton to be happy about and just one thing to be sad about.