Reality check

7/30/17 The last post I wrote was before my first prenatal appointment. While they did not think I was miscarrying at the time, I did not continue to progress in the pregnancy and on May 25 at 10 weeks and 2 days I had a D&C.

I want to say it was a hard decision to do the D&C rather than miscarry on my own, but it really wasn't. I had been worrying for weeks already about whether I was or was not miscarrying, and having more uncertainty as to when it would happen naturally was not something I wanted to go through. So, two days after the ultrasound that confirmed that the baby (we named "Baby Sonnie" to complement the "Baby Mumfy" name Jonas was given in his early fetal days) had not developed, I was in the hospital for surgery.

It was actually good that I did opt for a D&C because the ultrasound had shown a potential for a molar pregnancy, and it turns out that I did have a partial molar pregnancy, which is a genetic abnormality that prevents a baby from growing. I am getting regular HCG tests to make sure it went and stays at a zero level. At first it was weekly, starting at 9, then 2, then 0. Now it is monthly and will be for the next five months until we get the all-clear to try to get pregnant again.

The last two months have been extremely hard. Ben and I are going to a counselor this week to be proactive with processing our grief. I am worried that I am depressed. I've been trying so hard to be positive and approach the whole situation with a healthy outlook, but it has been a long time since I have been happy. Ben and Jonas give me happiness. It's not that I am unhappy with my life, I just feel flat and unmotivated and incomplete. I'm hoping something comes from the appointment with the counselor. My OBGYN has already asked if I have thought about trying anti-depressants, but I wanted to try counseling first.

Fingers crossed.

Top Five of the Second Trimester

I started this several days ago and then, well, we had some plumbing issues that needed to be addressed RIGHTTHISSECOND, so it got put on hold. But, my second trimester is officially over! It seems like it was just yesterday that the first trimester was ending. Whew! Here's my top five adjectives for the second trimester, like I did with the first (in no particular order).

1. Exciting
The second trimester brought a lot more excitement! We got to hear the baby's heartbeat much stronger, and it was the same day that Ben found out that he passed the Bar, so it was a very good day. We also had two different ultrasounds done and got some awesome pictures to show off. My favorites are a picture of his foot and one of his nose and lips. They're just a glimpse of what he will look like in person, but I'm already biased.

2. Urgent
We definitely got a sense of urgency in the second trimester. We found ourselves at a point that it was crucial to start thinking ahead and be prepared (there's that Boy Scout Motto!) for when he arrives. We took some time and cleaned out Ben's office in stages, then switched his desk and computer to the guest room. It was important to make headway with it so that we could get the nursery ready. The guest room is now a mess, because even with cleaning out the office, there was still a lot of stuff that just got moved over en masse. Beyond that, I started thinking about childbirth classes and hospital prep bags and birth plans. It hit me one day that I had not given ANY of those the attention they needed!

3. Quick
Like I said earlier, it went by so fast! You'd think that the first trimester would have seemed faster because I spent 4 weeks pregnant without even knowing. But, I think keeping it a secret and the fatigue made it drag on. I fully expect the third trimester to zip by as well.

4. Eventful
Lots of stuff happened in the second trimester. We found out that we are having a boy, I took my glucose test (gah, that thing was horrible!), got stuff put on the registry and were told that my brother and his wife are having a baby, too! We also felt the baby kicking, and then stronger and stronger. So many things happened this trimester, it's hard to remember them all!

5. Definitive
For the first trimester, it was surreal. Often I couldn't believe I was pregnant and it didn't seem like it was actually happening. The second trimester put all of that to rest. The ultrasounds and heartbeats and kicking and growing belly all helped solidify it for me. There really is a tiny person in there!



I am fortunate to be able to say that this pregnancy has been relatively easy. There have been some issues--from almost constant nausea at first, to the second ultrasound when he measured large, to my periodic back pain. But, in the grand scheme of things, I know it could have been much, much worse. There have been no complications, my weight has been manageable, he is an active little guy (which is sometimes a blessing and a curse) and there is no reason to believe he won't be a healthy baby when he decides to make his arrival. I just hope that he doesn't make life too hectic once he's here. We'll do the best we can with whatever situation we are given. It will be such an adventure and I can't wait for us to start it together!

Duh, winning!

I called the ob today. I took my blood glucose test last Thursday and wanted to give them a couple of days to get the results. Holy cow, that test was terrible. I wasn't even all the way through the 10oz of 50g sugar drink and I felt sick. Luckily I was able to hold it off until they took my blood an hour later and then threw up. I felt like crap the rest of the day. Anyway, I digress. They had the results and said that I passed. Wahoo!! Good thing, because if it had been inconclusive, I would have needed to do a 3 hour test instead. I don't know if I would have been able to keep from getting sick that long.

While I had them on the phone, I asked if it would be possible to speak with the doctor about how necessary the additional ultrasound that had been scheduled was. Those following along at home may remember that they had said that Jonas was measuring large. They said they would review the last ultrasounds and call me back. Well, they just did. They said that they felt his size could be monitored through fundal height measurements at each visit going forward (which starting on the 17th will be every two weeks. I can get behind that. They did mention that if they feel it's necessary, we may revisit having an ultrasound done at 34-36 weeks, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

For now, I feel like I've got Adonis DNA (must be little Jonas haha) and tiger blood in my veins (the cat has scratched me a few times, though we liken him to a lion more often than a tiger) because I'm, duh, winning!

Somewhat annoyed, somewhat nervous

Annoyed: The ob called today because apparently when I had my ultrasound last, the baby was measuring large...as in 95th percentile. Compared to the 77th he was in at the one 4 weeks before. They asked if the ultrasound people had mentioned that they wanted to do ANOTHER ultrasound. Um, no, in fact they hadn't even mentioned that he was measuring large. This also happened at the earlier ultrasound re: my low placenta and the possibility of pelvic rest.

It's frustrating to either get part if the information or none of it and then find out later. I spent an entire month on self-enforced pelvic rest because I was worried about hurting me or the baby before finding out it moved. Granted they were not able to predict that it would move, but the least they could have done was say whether pelvic rest was necessary or not. I had to get the wishy-washy warning from the doctor. Now I get a phone call a more than a week later "oh, they didn't tell you your baby grew 22% more than expected in 4 weeks?"



Nervous: I've been fretting about this all day since I got the call. I haven't gained an exorbitant amount of weight and the doctor measured me at the last visit and said everything looked fine, so where is this extra size coming from?

I'm concerned his increased size could be from gestational diabetes. I haven't gone for my blood glucose test yet--I planned to next week. Diabetes runs in my family on both sides, so it is likely I may be at a higher risk. Though, I looked up the diet I may get put on if I do have it...it's basically the same diet I follow now. :/

Also, I'm nervous about the cost of the ultrasounds that I'm getting. I like seeing my little baby Jonas, don't get me wrong. But money is tight and this being my first baby, I don't know what is necessary and what isn't. I don't want to have to spend money on something that I don't need.

24 weeks and counting

I had my third ultrasound on Thursday. The first was at 6 weeks to determine how far along I was, since I had no stinking clue. The second was the typical one at 20 weeks. They weren't able to get a great look at his spine that time, so they wanted to give it another shot. They had also told me I had a low placenta, and they wanted to check on that as well. I didn't think anything of the low placenta thing until I went to the doctor the next day. He asked me if they had mentioned anything about pelvic rest. Uh, no? So I went home and checked about low placenta and pelvic rest. I had thought when they said low placenta they meant, like, volume wise. Apparently it means geographically. If you have a low placenta it can either partially or fully cover the cervix, which can cause complications in a vaginal birth, so a lot of times they do a c-section. I didn't have any problems with that, but it was the pelvic rest that kind of worried me. When they put you on pelvic rest from the low placenta, it has a very specific purpose. I'll let you look it up in case you're not familiar with it. But, needless to say I was none too happy. While the ultrasound people hadn't recommended that I go on pelvic rest, and the doctor just mentioned that I should let them know if I have any related symptoms, I was concerned about the possibility of causing early labor with certain activities. So, at my 24 week ultrasound they were able to confirm that the placenta had moved and it wasn't low anymore. Thank. God. They also were able to get images of his spine, though I don't know if it was any easier this time than last--the tech specifically mentioned that he was moving a lot and she had to move fast. Wand-click; wand-click; wand-click. It seems like he is always moving. I wonder if this is an indication of things to come post-birth. Whew!

I had my 24 week appointment at the doctor on Friday. They hadn't gotten the results of the ultrasound yet for some reason, but I had several questions that they were able to answer. I'd been starting to get short of breath from sitting. I had a feeling it was just from less real estate for my organs, but I wanted to double check. Sure enough, that's pretty much it. He did say if I was gasping for air or had chest pains when breathing, that I shouldn't ignore it. Luckily, it's nothing like that. I had also gotten an appointment reminder card in the mail for my annual wellness exam. I didn't know if I still needed to do that since I was pregnant and/or coming in anyway. I figured if I did, it might be possible to piggy back appointments. But, he was actually surprised that I had gotten the reminder card and said I didn't need to do the annual exam. That's a relief! Additionally, I had been kicking around the thought of prenatal massage and several of the places I was looking at were requiring a prescription or prenatal care notice from the doctor. I brought this up to him and he was incredibly supportive of the idea. I got my prenatal care notice so I can get something schedule. It probably won't be until after the first of the year, because things are tight financially for us and I may just use some Christmas money to cover it. But, at least I know it's something that my doctor has given his stamp of approval on.

I also asked about how I'm doing in the weight-gain department. I have thus far gained 18 pounds. I was trying to keep it under 25, but I don't know if that will happen. It's hard when I had *just* lost 26 pounds. From what I had read, if you were already overweight, which I was (but working on), 25 pounds was the top end of what you were recommended to gain. The doctor said 18 pounds was pretty normal and he said as long as I keep it somewhere around 30 pounds I should be ok. I think I can handle that. He also asked if I felt like I was eating everything in sight. I really don't. I actually don't always have the appetite I feel like I should have. It's not unusual for me to not finish my food anymore. I asked Ben if he felt like I was eating everything in sight, wondering if I just had rose-colored glasses on in terms of my own interpretation. He agreed with me that I haven't been. I also don't feel like I'm gaining excess weight; in fact, many people have commented that I am all baby-belly.

The other thing that got established at the doctor's appointment is that I'm at the point where I need to do the gestational diabetes check. Wheeeee. In a couple weeks I have to go, chug a super-sugar drink and then get my blood drawn an hour later to test my blood sugar. That should be tons of fun. Also, starting with the next appointment, I'm going to be seeing the doctor every 2 weeks rather than the 4 week interval I've been keeping for the last 18 weeks. It's crazy that things are progressing so quickly...but I know it's not quickly at all, it's perfectly routine. The days haven't passed any faster, the weeks haven't been shorter and there hasn't been any distortion to the space-time continuum. It just does not seem like it was that long ago that I took my positive pregnancy test. Before I know it, April and little Baby Jonas will be here. Two weeks from this Tuesday will be 90 days until my due date. I can hardly believe it.

Lots of new stuff!

There has been so much I've experienced in the last several weeks. First, I started feeling the baby moving about six weeks ago. At first it was hard to tell, and I wasn't 100% sure it was even the baby, but it was different enough from anything else I'd experienced. In the last 3 weeks or so it has gotten much more prominent. We felt him from the outside at 20 weeks and now at 23 weeks, he has started moving things propped on my belly (book, iPad, etc) as he kicks. It is really neat! Though, it seems every time I try to have Ben feel his stronger movement, little Jonas takes a break. :( I'm hoping once the kicks become more visible, that will happen less.

Second, we are starting to get wonderful hand me downs from friends who no longer need their baby stuff. It is so much fun going through the toys and clothes and bibs and tiny socks! I'm sure it won't be fun for long, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Thank you to everyone who has given us the beginnings of what we'll need for baby Jonas!

Third, we had the ultrasound (obviously, since we already revealed the gender) and it was really cool. I saw his little feet--my favorite image we left with, his brain, his arms and legs waving around like a turtle on his back, and of course his penis. Yes, I said it. That's what it is; I don't want my son to think it is something to be ashamed of. We found out he was 14oz at the time (which puts him somewhere around a pound and a half now, if not more) and in the 77th percentile for size.

Fourth, my tummy has finally started to look like a pregnant tummy and not just a pudge. It's about time! Though, I have had people tell me I'm all tummy and don't look like I've gained extra weight on other parts of my body, which mostly makes me feel good. On the one hand, I don't want to go all Violet Beauregard, but on the other hand, I also don't want to not have enough nutrients for the baby. I think I'm doing ok in both respects, though.

Lastly, I am all about the creature comforts for this pregnancy. I bought a pregnancy pillow (thanks again, Scott!) to help me sleep and my resulting back pain; I have it on good authority that I'm getting a pregnancy belt for Christmas; I plan to ask about prenatal massage at my next doctor appointment, and I have been drinking grapefruit juice like it's going out of style. And I've been fairly fortunate with finding good maternity clothes. I have a couple pairs of pants and a shirt or two that aren't entirely comfortable, but for the most part they are cute and flattering!

Only a little over four weeks until the third trimester! Time flies when you're having a baby! :)